Life is...

So many endings to that title come to mind.

Right now, I'm thinking "...a string of evolutionary changes."

Although I miss Rosie terribly, and I'd give all my worldly possessions to have her back as a healthy and strong dog, I must admit...I am happy.  Goodness, I feel terribly guilty for even typing that.  How can I be happy about losing my best friend?

I had spent so much time and energy on my sweet girl, I had let my own needs fall to the wayside.  Sigh.  I didn't realize it, but as my girl's health deteriorated, mine did too. 

Eating well and exercising were an ancillary event.  If there was time and energy left in the day, it happened.  If I had nothing left to give, it didn't.  Sadly, in the past two months, there wasn't much left.  I can't even imagine being a mother to children!  How do you gals do it and stay healthy...and keep your houses clean...and your significant others happy...and...and...and... 

Okay, so enough of what WAS, and on to what IS.  My exercise routine fell back into place quite easily (thank heaven) and I'm working on my healthy eating.  I'm no saint.  There was that freak moment today when I ate "loaded potato salad" at work.  I weighed out my turkey meatloaf tonight for dinner.  3 ounces is a serving.  Do you know what 3 ounces of turkey meatloaf looks like?  It looks like I'm still gonna be hungry after these two bites.  THAT's what it looks like.

But ya know what?  It was enough.  Starch and vegetable added and voila...a complete meal that was spot on for calories and maximum nutritional benefit. 

Life goes on, so celebrate the changes and embrace what goes right.  Baby steps for me.

Saying Goodbye

There is something very symbolic and cathartic about turning dirt when someone special passes.  Rosie's spirit will leave her body in just a few hours, however her body will not be coming home with me.  I made this decision because I really do believe that the moment she takes her last breath, her spirit will take the form of wind. 

That being said, there will be nothing to bury.  This left me feeling a little lost.

While I was walking Ellie and Bogie on this bright summer morning, it came to me.  I would plant things.

Once we came home, I went down the road and bought a yellow rose to plant.  I could have simply put it in a pot, but in order to feel complete, I did all sorts of "dirt turning".  I found myself with piles of dirt everywhere. 

The front of the house.  The walkway.  The backyard. 

Piles of dirt that needed to be moved.  I transplanted, planted, trimmed, dug, swept and tossed soil.

Once I was done, I took Rosie around to show her everything. 

"See, this is your rose."  I clipped a little section of her hair and buried it in the soil.  As I was patting the soil where the locket of hair was, I was patting my sweet girl's head, telling her that I loved her very much. 

She is tired.  I am tired.

Soon, we will both be full of energy again. 

Goodbye Sweet Rose.  Mama loves you.